‘Do you make love in Heaven?’
‘If we gonna make love, I’m not going to your heaven. Oh no, absolutely. True God or no true God. That’d be a worry bad place. I must find out before go there. Yes, indeed.’
(Book: Tai Pan By: James Clavell)
Sex is the in thing now, and the number of people engaged in it outside marriage currently can only be described as shocking.
Now! I have not carried out any scientific research on the number of people in the country who are having premarital and extramarital sex, but I can assure you that if such a research were to be carried out the number people who are having ‘illegal sex’ would make the church cow in shame and hold the notion of Zambia being a Christian nation to ridicule.
Of course, the Central Statistics Office usually run periodical researches in line with fertility rate and such, but if truth were to be told the number of people who lie on the matter of how many sexual partners they have would shock the statisticians.
Most of you would probably hold me as a liar as per the regards of this serious allegations I am making, but before I proceed in trying to justify myself it may be important that we picture this factual scenario of an ad hoc research I carried out.
This research basically involved my sitting at a counter of a pub, nursing a beer and pretending to watch a ZNBC production that was quite tasking to concentrate on. The night sport can be classified as a middle class pub, with the beer being a bit too expensive maybe to present the aura of class, and the commercial sex workers being a bit on the higher class of the bracket so as to say.
Here comes a man in his mid 30s, descent looking, a little bit tipsy but with this impression of ‘I am here to take my last pint before I hit the road, and thus mind your own business and I will mind mine’. The chap takes a sit next to mine, gets a Castle and goes down to his business. After a gulp or two he starts checking out the place -mostly the girls I noticed- then assumes the ‘I don’t need company expression’, but soon enough he is talking to me, making some enquiries as to what I was about.
However, the discussion boils down to him with his proud uttering’s of how he is a ‘happily’ married man with a two year old kid at home whom he loves very much, blah blah blah and so on and so forth. Anyway, to cut the long story short, by the end of three beers this young upstanding man was on the dance floor trying his luck with the ladies.
You may think that this is an exceptional situation, until I tell you that a week before meeting this particular young man I was with an upstanding gentle man in his late 50s at exactly the same spot, who was complaining about the declining moral standards in the community, but still could not resist the temptations, or so it seemed.
However, this ad hoc examples should not be taken to mean that all those who partake in this unchristian habit of taking alcoholic beverages usually do it as an excuse to have some little bit of sexual activities outside the confine of marriage, but that sex happens with some opting for multiple sexual partners.
Regardless of all the preaching on the dangers of HIV/Aids and sexual transmitted diseases or how disgraceful and sinful it is to have sex before marriage, it is a fact that sex has become so popular that pregnancies, whether wanted or unwanted, has become prevalent despite the churches stand point against sexual immorality labeled as adultery, fornication and such.
However much one moral leader after another preaches against premarital and extramarital sex, the society still recognises that people will engage in it. It is thus that if one hopes to control sexuality in the community, one must look at the underlying causes of promiscuity which seems to lie in the perception of sex from ones teenage years.
Teenagers in the Zambian society face an enormous challenge when it comes to sex. The society has put so much emphasis on romance, though however clandestine, that teenagers cannot consider friendship without romantic overtones.
The media is very guilty in promoting these overtones with their insistence of running HIV/Aids awareness campaigns alongside romantic soap operas. Currently, it seems every movie or novel produced must have the main character involved in a romantic tangle for it to be complete.
It is in the same vain that sociologist Constantine Safilios-Rothschild notes that this type of overemphasis on romance can lead to a serious sociolisation handicap, and it has long-range consequences for the possible man-woman relationships.
The relationships between young males and females have been reduced to ritualised contests, with the male attempting to escalate the sexual activity and the female resisting his efforts.
The relationships between males and females may have been reduced to be nothing more than animals in the wilderness where it is the business of the males to find a female so as to mate with her. Hence, the male drive, or male eagerness, results from this special function of males.
The Encyclopaedia Britannica says that male female relationship has come to a situation where we have developed a struggle, instead of mutuality and respect.
The female is viewed as a reluctant sexual object to be exploited, and the male is viewed as a seducer and aggressor who must succeed in order to maintain his self image and his status with his peers.
The Encyclopaedia continues to note that this sort of pathological relationship causes a lasting attitude on the part of females, as in men are not to be trusted.
Ladies have come to think that males are only interested in sex, and a girl dare not smile or be friendly to a male, least he interpret it as a sign of sexual availability.
Such an aura of suspicion, hostility and anxiety is scarcely conducive to the development of warm trusting relationships between males and females.
It is unfortunate to note that such notions of sex being the backbone of relationships between males and female are not only cultural, but also have religious connotations.
In the early Christianity, sex in any form outside marriage was an unmitigated evil, and within marriage it was seen as an unfortunate necessity for procreation rather than pleasure.
It is very noticeable in the bible that no mention has been made of either God or Jesus having a wife, and it has been suggested that there are no female angels.
Though the society has for centuries tried to place barriers and restrictions on the sexual needs of its citizens, sex itself has remained a natural need, observable even in newborn males who have the ability to get penile erections.
Young children and even babies of both sexes have been noticed to find pleasure in genital stimulations, and what appears to be an orgasm has been observed to occur in self-masturbation or sex play.
However much the society, especially in Zambia which is a ‘Christian nation’ might hold on to the messages of abstinences and such, it must be advised that abstinence messages are not working with resent research findings in Britain confirming this.
Though it is not a must that one has sex so as to survive, it is better we appreciate it as it is and recognise that most people will engage in it whether the society likes it or not. Hence, the society should be advised from this basis and not with shock and fear tactics that are currently being employed.
However, one must also be advised to use condoms whenever one is having clandestine sex.
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